A former pastor once said, “There’s no pain like family pain.” I would agree, as I’ve seen my share of it. It feels very in-your-face because in my mind, these are the folks who are supposed to love me the most. A false expectation? I don’t think so… not in the Biblical sense anyway. Plus, it’s how I was raised. When other people fail you, family stands beside you, no matter what. When a family conflict erupts, it’s fertile breeding ground for the enemy of our souls to wreak havoc & long- term division. Those dynamics are most certainly a refining “tool.” As the saying goes, you can choose your friends but not your family. That’s God’s call. We sometimes assume that we know what other people, or family members, mean by their words & actions, because of past encounters or associations. The irony is, we don’t even have to see these folks regularly, to grapple with living the truth in perceived hard relationships.
THE HARDEST QUESTION
In my quest to love my “sandpaper” people, God brought the truth of I Peter 4:12-19 to my attention. In summary, we are called to share the sufferings of Christ & entrust our souls to our faithful Creator in doing what is right. Jesus was pretty much rejected throughout His entire ministry, in one form or another. Some folks experience that with family or friends. Despite changes for the better in their lives, they are viewed through old labels from the past & held guilty. Jesus lived under constant scrutiny. In His greatest hour of need, His disciples slept while He prayed, agonizing over what He knew to be His Father’s will, to the point of sweating blood (Luke 22:44). My point? He understands relational pain. He was preparing to die for His accusers who unjustly hated Him & misunderstood Him. By choice, He walked the path of obedient submission to His Father’s plan of the Cross, ultimately setting those who believed in Him, & received Him, free for eternity! What an indescribable gift!
As much as I’d like to coddle my hurt & wallow in self-pity when I’ve been hurt & misrepresented to others, God continually confronts me with this question: “What am I teaching you, about yourself, in this situation?” This is the hardest question for me to embrace. It applies to everything in my life…relational dynamics, hard circumstances, & irritating inconveniences. It keeps my eyes off other people, or what’s happening to me, and forces me look at myself – be it my sinful reactions, my insecurities, or the lies I’m believing that caused me to emotionally “tank.” I will admit, it’s difficult to wrap my arms around the truth of honest appraisal. But in the long run, this great sifting tool of the Lord frees me… if I remain teachable & embrace what the Spirit reveals through the Word, prayer, and mature believers. I’m left without excuse if I’m going to walk in the truth of who Christ is in me.
I believe ill-spoken words reap some of the most devastating effects in life. Flesh thrives on gossip. Its natural bent is to be drawn to idle chatter while feeding on comparison. Like it or not, we are all presently living in the exploding effects of social media allowing the revolving door of lies to multiply. Almost every detail can be had for the searching. What’s right is now wrong and what’s wrong is easily embraced as “normal.” It’s confusing, chaotic & it makes my brain spin. What a great forest is set afire by the tongue! We bless the Lord, on one hand, while we curse men made in His image, on the other. (Read all about in James 3:1-12)
It isn’t easy for me to love people who I know have delighted in erroneously passing on information about me for no good purpose.
Honestly, it isn’t natural for me to forgive them either. I don’t have the wherewithal, for either, in my own strength. But Jesus does. He’s had more experience in loving & forgiving than any human ever will! When I let go & ask God to change me, Jesus Christ is free to love & forgive through me. Recently, I was reminded, in scripture, to pray for folks who are deliberately hurtful. I’ve wondered if it’s possible for the Holy Spirit to truly reside in a heart that takes “delight” in a destructive, lifestyle pattern of gossip? Is it possible for someone to be indwelt by the life of Christ, & still enjoy seeing other people hurt? No one is perfect but I think you know what I’m trying to communicate here. Individuals, organizations, & churches have been irreparably destroyed by gossip. God has led me to pray for these folks to know Jesus Christ, intimately, in whatever way they are lacking.
This prayer habit is also a good check for my own speech. Do my words reflect, & honor, my Savior? Not always. I’m grateful for His leading, teaching, & refining. We are all a work in progress. My focus & energies are better spent praying for the confirmed salvation of my verbal persecutors. In the end, that’s what matters for eternity. And who knows? Maybe God is using my life for their good after all. And they don’t even know it.
#2 My Heart Undressed: Hardest Question