#71 | My Life: I Am a Nobody

Dr. Stephen Phinney: I have come to realize that the power of the Cross has a significant impact on my emotions.

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RAPID BAPTISM OF FIRE

Have you ever had a rapid succession of afflictions to the point of being unable to catch your breath between afflictions? It is a classic technique used by the enemy. It is a way of wearing us down to the point of cursing something or someone. It is the technique Satan used on Job and his wife as they were reclining one particular evening.

I AM A NOBODY

The first wave arrives: the Sabeans attack, and Job loses his oxen, donkeys, and the first group of servants. Then, while the servant delivered this horrid news, wave two came in: a fire broke out and consumed the sheep and servants on another part of their ranch. While listening to the pathetic news of the second servant, wave three arrives: the Chaldeans attack another part of the ranch, take the camels, and kill more servants. Before this servant could finish, the worst news is delivered: Job’s sons and daughters were reclining at the eldest brother’s house, a great wind came, destroyed the house, and all died – every man, woman, and beast dead - except for Job, his wife, and four messengers (see Job 1:13-19).

Can you imagine the pain and suffering the two of them must have felt? Usually, when one has succession affliction, the overwhelming feeling of suffocation follows. In many cases, it affects breathing. Some faint, some have panic attacks, and others just sink into despair. What did Job do? It says in Job 1:20 that Job shaved his head/beard (a sign of mourning), tore his robe (symbolizing the death of a loved one), fell to the ground, and began worshiping God, saying:

“Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD” (Job 1:21).

Since the day of my Salvation 50+ years ago, for the most part, I have embraced affliction as God has allowed it – until these past few years. I am not saying the afflictions He assigned me throughout my days was easy or lighthearted. But I am saying that I have never experienced this level of suffering that produced physical, emotional, and spiritual suffocation – the kind that would stretch my Exchanged life with Christ like never before. After being diagnosed with heart failure, my wife wrote in her journal after one of my many moments of permissible suffocation.

I had never seen him in this state in the many years of knowing him. My earthly “rock” had been broken physically and now soulically (i.e., mind, will, and emotions). Help him, Lord, to embrace your love fully and completely. Let him feel your compassion and kindness. He feels misunderstood, kicked in the teeth, alone, and wants to die. He is so pessimistic about people’s intentions because of hurt. No trust – but suspicious and expectant of betrayal. He has been beaten down by too many for too long, and he is without hope, joy, and strength.

Over the following years since this diagnosis, Job’s prayer of desperation and great Exchange has found new meaning in my heart of hearts. Looking back, I came into this world naked, dependent, and very sick – living in an oxygen tent for the first five years of my life. I grew up shamed, embarrassed, and incompetent in almost everything I said and did. My entire childhood was filled with being hated, despised, and made fun of by family and “friends” - all for the sake of accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior at 16 years of age. Then shortly after learning to read at the age of 22, God graced me with one of my favorite passages in the Bible:

“Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me--to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this, I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. I have become foolish; you yourselves compelled me. Actually, I should have been commended by you, for in no respect was I inferior to the most eminent apostles, even though I am a nobody” (2 Cor. 12:7-11).

Thanks to God, I learned to journal my thoughts in prayers early on. Please remember that these entries are NOT replacing the Word of God – not one bit. They are personal writings of thoughts that I believe God put in my mind to help me understand the Word. Here is what I recorded in my journal shortly after being blessed with this passage:

Stephen, because of your willingness to embrace My Truth and speak it as I reveal it to you, I will be granting you affliction throughout your life for you NOT to exalt yourself. You will often cry out to Me for relief, and I shall grant you comfort, but not necessarily circumstantial deliverance. Stephen, it is through your afflictions and weaknesses that you will discover the power of My Grace. As you take this new journey, you will struggle with pride, arrogance, and boasting. I am calling you to boast only in this – that you came into this world weak and dependent and will leave it in the same manner. When you were born, you were dependent on man and independent of Me. When you depart from this wicked world, you will be independent of man and completely dependent on Me. When I am finished with you, you will be able to embrace your weaknesses and handle insults, stress, and imparted hatred with the power of Grace. In the end, you will shine for your acute ability to hear Me, understand the deeper Life, and lead others into like-minded Truth – even though in the world’s eyes, you will be a nobody. Stephen, do you have ears to listen?

Well – when the Lord revealed this to me, I had no clue how much suffering was ahead of me.

For 69 years, my life has been filled with many external hardships. More recently, being diagnosed with CIDP, a neurological disease that destroys my nerve sheaths, causing paralysis. However, I must say, the toughest has been the rejection from so-called self-proclaimed “Christians.” The portion of the passage that I didn’t give a second thought to at the time - became my worst struggle in life.

“I have become foolish; you yourselves compelled me. Actually, I should have been commended by you, for in no respect was I inferior to the most eminent apostles…” (2 Cor. 12:11).

I expect the unbelieving world to hate me because of Christ. What surprised me was the level of backstabbing, kissing on the cheek, and rejection from the “body of Christ.” For most of my adult Christian life, I fought this and was compellingly confused by it. In my naive way of living out my Christian life, I thought the Body of Christ would be the first to build me up in Christ, patch up my wounds, and send me back into battle. It was a bit shocking to discover this was not the case. This soul-shaking reality was what God used their covert hatred to open the door to my ministry – ministering to a broken church that is neither hot nor cold but rather lukewarm - the church of Laodicea (the ‘Cancel Culture Church’). It became evident that this group of fake Christians was not the authentic Body of Christ. These non-members act like real Christians, but they are as fake as a bowl of plastic fruit, who cannot love me or any other Body member with the authentic Love of God. God uses their rejection to rid me of pride and assist me in a deeper dependence on the indwelling Life of Jesus.

I have come to realize that the power of the Cross has a significant impact on my emotions.

The hard and sobering lesson here is that after the Cross made this impact, Christ’s life in me expects the emotions to no longer be an obstruction but rather to be cooperative with the Spirit of Life that indwells my mortal body – to embrace the full Exchange. The fact that I died with Christ on His Cross gives me the freedom to claim the death of my emotional reactions as to why I am hanging on it. Once I can experientially digest this, then my emotions can be renewed along with my mind and, thus, provide a pathway for the Spirit to express the emotions of Christ through me.

Next is #72, “Elements of Pain.”

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