Listen to the audio version Jane’s essay.
I like to read at some point in my day. This habit signals down time to my body & a mental exhale, giving me permission to release the cares & stressors often caused by information overload. Sometimes I read while cycling. Other times I save it for the end of day. I enjoy reading Christian historical fiction as well as biographies & autobiographies. Overall, reading encourages me to hang in there & gives space to my soul to recalibrate. However, if I’m not intentional about cultivating this practice, it can easily get overrun by another task.
Trust Him to Keep You Trusting*
I’ve been at home in a library since I was 6 years old. Having grown up without TV, it wasn’t uncommon to digest a dozen books in a week. My Sis & I biked our way to the town library, filling our baskets with wholesome books & series that are now considered classics. As an adult, I’m not one to read exclusively for knowledge. I look for God in whatever I read, trusting He has some nuggets of truth to refresh my soul while engaging in one of my favorite past times.
One summer day, I rested with a good book, choosing to let the decisions on my plate stay on the “back burner” for an hour. I sat comfortably while sipping iced coffee, totally engrossed in the story line. Then, one of the main characters said this: “Seek His desires, above all, no matter what you will have to surrender. And you will have to surrender. We all do. It’s part of the soul’s refinement. I wish I’d learned that earlier in life. That when we surrender…or when He takes something from us, His motivation always stems from love…Listen for His voice, for He will speak to you. And be ready when He does. Because oftentimes not only is the cost one you need to have counted beforehand, but the opportunity He brings…will never likely come again.” I stopped, lowered the book, & took a deep spiritual gulp! It was exactly what I’d been warring in my soul.
Some things are meant to be shared, within limits that do not defile other people. The story that affects me isn’t necessarily mine to tell. My personal lessons are. Suffice it to say, the Lord knows the pain in my soul caused by losing people I love. Folks don’t have to die to be taken away. I’ve known both types of relational loss, many times over. Additionally, there’s the endless circumstantial challenges. Hands down, give me external trials over relational loss! SO, when I read “His motivation is always love,” I felt whopped upside the head (and heart). I’ve given testimony to that truth. But my heart was ripe. And reading it in black & white, from a neutral third-party source, stopped me cold!
I’ve been forced, in a sense, to deal with untimely pain, gaining a little more understanding, maybe some wisdom, & surely intimacy with Christ. In all honesty, the process does not feel all that great. I know what I believe & I know the truth of the Gospel. God is love. He’s sovereign. He sees the whole picture. Nothing is a surprise to Him. As I like to say it, He has a purpose, a plan to accomplish that purpose, & the power to bring it to fruition. All true. I am resolved in the foundations of my faith. So when the feeling of loss comes out of nowhere, sucking the air out of my lungs, HE IS IT! Jesus is the truth I cling to.
That being said, I don’t think we can always count the cost of surrender beforehand.
We aren’t tuned in to the possibilities of abrupt change. And even if we were, human logic can easily disregard walking by faith. There are situations where surrender is almost forced on you out of sheer desperation…because it’s the only thing you can do. Often, my cost has been painfully revealed in the quiet reality after surrender. Calculating the cost/loss of external circumstances is mostly objective by nature. We make our lists of pros & cons, check the boxes, make the decision…done! But that isn’t true with unsuspecting relational conflict/loss/death. There’s simply no warning.
Loss shows no partiality. The enemy of our souls is relentless & bent on destruction in this area of our lives. There are times when we sense something is amiss, that all is not right. Pretense hangs in the air like a cloud. Other times rapid-fire words & impulsive decisions leave you breathless & reeling. “Wow! I didn’t see that one coming!” has slipped out of my mouth on multiple occasions. I can only count the cost based on what I understand to be the Truth. Often there’s a bit of a gap between a life-action decision you can weigh in the balance, and relational loss that can only truly be processed when it happens. The bottom line is that the incidences/opportunities in my life are completely within the confines of God’s timing. He is never surprised! And because He isn’t, He is a sure, safe haven. While He is our Refuge, there are always consequences to every action, both good & evil. In my mind, that’s where the cost is revealed & lived out.
A few days after reading the character’s quote in my book, I was up with the birds to continue this practical “working out of my salvation.” On a whim, I looked up the devotional reading for my birthday, June 26. The featured verse was “The Lord is your keeper,” from Psalm 121:5. I love that Psalm & have read it umpteen times through the years, marking it up with notes & personal ah-ha’s. This time was no exception in discovering another nugget on my journey. F.B Meyer, (1847-1929), was the “dead guy” who wrote the commentary on my birth date. “Give yourself entirely up to Him, renouncing all trust in yourself, & all connection with evil. Choose definitely & forever the lot of the cross of Jesus. And then trust Jesus to keep you. Whenever temptation approaches, look up & say, ‘Jesus, I trust Your keeping power.’ Ask the Holy Spirit to keep you so constantly in this attitude that it may become the habit of your soul to look to Jesus when temptation assails. TRUST HIM TO KEEP YOU TRUSTING…Surely it were the height of blasphemy to affirm that the Almighty is not able, or willing, to keep the soul that trusts Him.”
True confession - there is no greater area of angst to my soul than relational issues.
In our 47 years together, we’ve laid to rest 4 parents, 2 siblings, the hope of 7 grandbabies, extended family, & a growing list of close friends. Most of those losses held the hope of eternal life in Christ. When that’s the case, you can speak of those folks in freedom & thankfulness. It’s in real-time relationships that the enemy diligently works to create chaos, particularly amongst those professing Jesus Christ. If you’ve experienced conflict at all, you’re likely nodding your head. Pretending is not freeing. And the elephant doesn’t get any smaller over time. Shedding pretense DOES come with a price…a cost…one that, despite your best intentions, might just blow up in your face.
Jesus didn’t live pretentiously & compromise the truth of WHO He was. He didn’t fake it to make it. He lived honestly before His Father & men. Achieving popularity wasn’t his goal. While living under constant scrutiny & spiritual criticism, He trusted His Father to know what to say & what to do. (John 12:49; 14:10, 26, &27) We would do well to take note. He is the means to conflict resolution because He is a changer of hearts, both your heart & the heart of the person you’re at odds with. If we are willing, He is able. I would like to know the outcome to my obedience beforehand, especially when it takes me out of my comfort zone. But that’s not how Jesus lived, nor why He died & was resurrected. Surrendering to His unknown plan, His unknown purposes, & His expression of power is what He calls us to. “Whoever does not carry his own cross & come after Me cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:27) The Greek meaning of cross, in this verse is, the portion of affliction endured as a trial of faith, to conform to the example of the crucified Master. Will I/we surrender relationships, affections, physical bodies, rights & possessions? “We are apt to forget that a man is not only committed to Jesus Christ for salvation; he is committed to Jesus Christ’s view of God, of the world, of sin & of the devil, & this will mean that he must recognize the responsibility of being transformed by the renewing of his mind.” (Oswald Chambers)
“Dear Jesus, I trust You to keep me trusting. You must increase. I must decrease. (John 3:30) My story for Your greater glory, even when it hurts. I love you, Lord.”
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