My Life: #21 Shepherd Boy Follows to Lead.

It took me years to realize the demise & absurdity of my striving to make others proud, even after being advanced in ministry, by the Lord’s doing.

One of the ugliest forms of playing god is self-deception by means of working to be something when in God’s world, we are nothing - outside of Him, that is.

I have too many memories of hearing my parents and siblings communicate, “if you’re going to be anything in this world, you’re going to have to work for it.”

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I remember one incident when one of my siblings told me shortly before I went off to intern with Dr. Charles Solomon, “Go and make Mom, Dad, and me proud.” The problem with this kind of “stinky thinking” is that even if I did reach those subjective marks of measurements, I was still left in wanting. This created in me an obtuseness, a bewilderment of sorts, resulting in disappointing those who put these standards upon me.

It took me years to realize the demise & absurdity of my striving to make others proud. Even after being advanced in ministry, by the Lord’s doing, a measurement that most ministers would be content with, I still found myself a disappointment and an “unqualified” worker of the Gospel in the eyes of those who I was to make proud. Since, at the time, I did not hold a theological degree from an acceptable institution selected by my god players, I did what any people-pleaser would do – strive for the highest degree from the most respected institution; for me, that was Oxford Graduate School. Did my achievements and awards accomplish their goal? Well, after obtaining more degrees, awards, and letters of recommendation than I had room in my office to display, I still came up short, which left my flesh wagging war with my “identity marker” from my childhood; your son is borderline retarded. Only this time, I was a doctorate-level “retard.” I was faced with enough is never enough.

Here is how it works! Throughout our childhood, Satan works his lunacy to place “identity markers” in our lives through the rejection of family, friends & those who teach us. These “identity markers” do not disappear; they remain in our conscience until we enter our next life. The enemy uses performance-based fear of disappointment to drive us back to those markers. Upon the arrival of this idiocy overwhelming our mind – self-life takes over.

Standard setters are never content, for if they were, they wouldn’t have anyone to worship them – so they keep the momentum in play by expelling disappointment to those who fail to meet their standards. This is done by continually raising the bar of performance. I learned very early on that those who set standards for others only show marks of success until the individual surpasses the mark, and once that happens, the striver becomes a failure all over again. I am here to tell you; the carrot is not obtainable!

Remember, all goals ordained by the Lord are not only obtainable but strictly for His own pleasure.

You see, I cannot blame my rejecters – to do so will only produce more playing god in me. I need to allow the Spirit to use these human standard-setters to lead me to embrace a profound and simple Truth, and the indwelt believer is not inferior to any worker in or outside of Christ. If you start at the place of “I am a nobody,” any something becomes fatuity, utter foolishness.

I have become foolish; you yourselves compelled me. Actually I should have been commended by you, for in no respect was I inferior to the most eminent apostles, even though I am a nobody. (2Cor 12:11 NASB)

One of my greatest battles is, accepting God’s reality that I am a nobody, which is a Biblical immovable fact!

The Greek word used here for “foolish” is aphron, which means mindless, stupid, rash, and unbelieving. Truth is, Paul is saying, I have become mindless and stupid; you yourselves constrained (forced) me to be. Actually, I should have been approved by you, for in no respects did I fall short of the most well-known apostles, even though I am a nobody.

Whoever these “you yourselves” were, Paul is communicating a very powerful message. These standard setters obviously were disappointed in Paul, being demanding to the point of making Paul look, or sound, stupid and mindless (rejection). In spite of his rejection (opinions of man), Paul clearly understood his level of measurement according to Christ in him, fully knowing he is not inferior to any but was able to maintain a principle he presented often, and that is he was a “nobody, a nothing.” (Galatians 6:3, 2Cor. 12:11)

It was through this passage that our Lord set me free!

He helped me realize the more standards of others I achieved; the more hecklers were put before me. The more hecklers I had; the more self-proclaimed judges stood before me. The more judges I had, the more compelled I was to be foolish – submitting to the standards of others. Why not just admit up front to their baseline objective? Phinney, you are a nobody! To that illogical conclusion, I found the Lord’s divine wisdom – I am a nobody.

For me, I knew that this kind of living was not possible unless I was able to see life through the eyes of Christ. It was imperative that I understand the exams that humans put other humans through playing god, is to behold God alone is the great and awesome examiner who has the right to test.

For I am conscious of nothing against myself, yet I am not by this acquitted; but the one who examines me is the Lord. (1 Cor. 4:4)

My addiction to wanting praise and approval from humanity is the demise of my flesh. To embrace the Truth that all praise not only belongs to God, but He alone has the right and prerogative to be worshipped, must be my goal. Mankind has never been given that “right.”

Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to him from God. (1 Cor. 4:5)

You see, unless I faced the fact that no good dwells within my flesh – I will continue to use my flesh to gain the good. This pundit enemy of ours, Satan, wants us to advance his goal of man worshipping man. For Satan knows that when man worships man, worship defaults to him. He alone knows that when men worship other men (idols), God will be denied what He demands & deserves.

For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. (Rom 7:18-21)

Allow me to share a paraphrase of this passage our Lord gave me several years ago:

For I finally know that none of Christ’s righteousness dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but in my flesh, to release the Spirit of Christ is not. For the Life of Christ that I want to be released, I do not cooperate with, but instead, I practice playing god, which I do not want. But if I am practicing playing god that I do not want, I am no longer the one practicing it but my flesh which dwells in me. I then find the principle of playing god present in me; my flesh wants to live out the indwelling Life of Christ but has no power to do so.

This has become one of my favorite identity passages. Paul is clearly separating the identity of his flesh from who he is. He does this to such an extent he says that it is not he who is doing the acts of playing god but his flesh. Since Paul is able to separate himself from the identity of his flesh, he then is able to release the One who can live an obedient life in Christ. Of course, this is accomplished by way of the Holy Spirit. If there is anyone who understood the principle of the self-life identity (flesh) waging war against the Christ-Life – it was Paul.

For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.

(Romans 7:22-25)

One of the key ways the Lord has helped me personalize the scriptures is through meditating on the passage and then paraphrasing it for my frail mind. With that said, here is yet another message of Truth extracted from the above passage:

For I joyfully agree with the Law and Life of Christ in my inner man – that of the Holy Spirit, but I certainly see a different standard/law in the members of my flesh, wagging war against Christ in my mind, which tries to make me a prisoner of the standards/laws of sin that resides in my flesh. Wicked man that I am if I follow these standards & laws! Who will set me free from my fleshly identity? Well, thanks be to God through Jesus Christ in me, I am free. I must remember that, on one hand, the Holy Spirit serves Christ and His Law, but on the other, my flesh attempts to serve the standards and laws of sin.

The result of all this playing god stuff is seeking discipleship and guidance from no one. All indwelt believers must realize, experientially, that God and God alone is the One who has the prerogative to set standards. He is the only One who can demand absolute obedience to Laws, AND He does that through Jesus. It is His prerogative to be the Judge, hand out the consequences to violators, be the sovereign God who is in control, expect praise, approval & acceptance from His creation, and acknowledge that He has no need to seek discipleship and guidance from any existing being.

Unless we release God to function as God – we will continue to rob God of His role as God in the lives of all those around us, including ourselves. When I discovered this, I became a shepherd who leads by following.

Coming up next is “The Shepherd Is in Control.”