MY LIFE: #32 My Flesh Cries Out

When I was 16 years old, shortly before I got saved, I discovered just how wicked my flesh was. I discovered that my flesh has no limits.

My Flesh Cries Out

For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

(Rom 8:6-8 NASB)

For any man to look upon his flesh is an ugly thing.  Believers who walk after their flesh produce problems!  When a believer chooses their way over God’s way, that person is walking after their flesh, and it will lead to death.  Satan lived out his self-life and became God’s enemy and thus was removed from Heaven.  The believer’s flesh is a direct reflection of the life of our enemy. 

The flesh is not formed in us; we are born with it.  The reason we are destined to go to Hell is because we are born in the likeness of the one who will spend eternity in Hell – Satan.  This is why we must be born-again and receive a new Nature through the indwelling Life of Jesus.  When the person does not become restored unto the Father through Christ, they follow their leader straight to Hell. 

However, it must be understood that Satan does form our flesh patterns once we are born to look and function as much like him as possible.  This is why each person you meet has their “own color” to their fleshly sinful habits – saved or not.  The enemy uses the seven areas of life to accomplish this, psychological, spiritual, physical, social, financial, marital, and parental, packing rejection in and through each to form our particular brand of the flesh. 

When I was 16 years old, shortly before I got saved, I discovered just how wicked my flesh was.  Being restless at home and angry and resentful toward my parents, I decided to run away from home.  I didn’t run away like many teens; I swung a deal with a prostitute and convinced her to go with me.  I planned to sell her to live out my rebellious life.  So, off into the night, we go – driving across the borders of three states. 

After arriving at the home of a childhood friend, I began to unfold my plan, which was coming off without a hitch.  Then, one night, the lady of the house I was staying at said my picture was on television in three states.  With that news, I went into panic mode.  While working on a plan to move on, I was awakened by red lights flashing in the bedroom I was sleeping in.  Jumping out of bed to pull on my pants, I found a gun in my face held by a police officer.  After putting the prostitute in cuffs and putting her in the squad car, I dared to ask what about me? I’m the minor.  The officer said he had strict instructions that my father would deal with me.  You would need to know my father to understand what that meant. 

To my neglect, I forgot that my father, too, had friends in the area of my “secret hiding place.”  Suddenly, I became paralyzed by a great fear.  Such fear that I waited over 24 hours to see my father pull up in my friend’s driveway.  He paid the lady for her troubles, told me to get in my car, and said do you see those taillights? (Yes, sir) If you stop following me, forget about returning home – for I will disown you.  Even though those were incredible words of rejection, God used this event to change my life. Within a few months, I received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. 

DECISIONS WITHIN TURMOIL

As I look back on those days of great turmoil, I discovered just how wicked my flesh was and what I was capable of if I continued to follow it.  Reviewing my entire childhood, I knew that my heart was filled with murder, immorality, and every form of greed. God used my flesh to form problems, which incited a need that ultimately led to a decision.  

This diagram shows that all decisions will reap life or death, depending upon whether the indwelt Christian chooses Christ from within or their way.  It also points out that the seven areas of life will lead to problems, needs, and questions forcing a decision.  Decisions are made either through me being me (self-life) or through releasing the mind of Christ to make the decision (by using our mind, will, and emotions).  Each decision is either a life or death, depending on how it is made (Deut. 30:19-20).  Many make the decision based on their fleshly thoughts while giving no opportunity to allow Christ to do so – this is why they experience “living death.”

I remember a time right after the birth of our third child when our family doctor made a strong recommendation that we stop having children due to the toxemia that Jane suffered during each of her pregnancies.  That parental problem forced me to a “need” that ultimately faced me with a “question” – should I, or not, make a decision that could put Jane at risk?  Even though Jane was not in support of the doctor’s advice, I went ahead and decided to have a vasectomy – a decision that we have regretted to this day.  As we look back on this decision, both of us knew in our hearts that we should have trusted the Lord with having more children.  That decision was NOT a life decision but rather a death decision that, unfortunately, has affected our lives to this very day.

Decisions like this put us in a downward spiral of self-life.  God uses these decisions to bring us to the end of ourselves by granting us a taste of “living death.” 

This diagram reveals the cause and process of death brought about through the self-life being in control of the indwelt believer.  This individual focuses on himself (the self-life), which produces a downward spiral - the path leading away from the will of Christ within him (the believer). It shows the natural conclusion of believers who choose death decisions – a consistent choice of self-life.  The self-life starts with commendations, producing an occupation with self.  Self-occupation is a lifestyle of self-pleasing ultimately leading to self-condemnation due to the guilt (not conviction) of the believer’s selfishness.  If you confront this individual, he usually becomes defensive and filled with self-pity.  This happens shortly before he self-destructs.  God uses this process to bring him to the end of self.  

Coming to the end of self-life is far more painful than coming to the Cross for salvation. At least it was/is for me. Dying once is one thing, but dying daily - well, that isn’t for the faint at heart.

My coming-to-the-end story is uncomfortable to write and a reminder of how frail the human mind truly is. There, I remember, stories are testimonies that glorify Jesus Christ.