My Life: #28 External Living

From my earliest years as an indwelt believer, I began to live off of the names and reputations of others, obviously since I didn’t have one of my own.

SHEEP THAT PLAY WITH THE WOLF

For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2Co 4:17-18 NASB)

One of the most common deceptions for indwelt Christians is seeking to find life in people, places, or things.  We, believers, are “earthly-minded,” which is of little value to the goals and aspirations God has for us.  Being busy and serving the Lord is the primary proof that “self-effort Christians” use to “think” they are yielded.  This is why our Lord will allow selfish believers to achieve external goals for them to experience a lack of satisfaction.  Once this happens, they can go to God for satisfaction in Christ Jesus. 

One of the leading ramifications of rejection is the formation of idols – people, places, and things taking the place of God.  To be able to identify idols in our lives, we need to be able to understand our rejection patterns.  People stuck in a rejection cycle quickly find life and fulfillment in the external world.  Those who attempt to find life in externals are subtly, or not so subtle, confessing to what they place their significance.  Mine has been people.

My mother was a proper lady. Most referred to her as “classy.” She was known for her stunning beauty. But more so, she was a woman of manners, exuded sophistication and poise, dressed impeccably, always well-groomed, and took great care in how she came across to others - particularly at the dinner table.

We were raised to use the right utensils at the dinner table, pull the chair out for the ladies, remain standing until the woman of the house was ready to be seated, and were taught the social graces of conversations and demeanors of proper manners at the table & in life in general. Pleasing other people was the order of the day.

Years ago, I attended a luncheon with my mentor, a man who, in my eyes, had obtained celebrity status.  Being young in my faith, I considered it a great honor to be seated at the same table as he.  After completing his lunch, he belched.  That afternoon, I returned to our apartment and told Jane my shock.  Her reply was simple but true – you know this man puts his pants on the same way you do in the morning.  As silly as this confession is, it revealed my sin of holding this man to a standard/law higher than the rest of us “belchers,” which I do privately to this day.  I wish I could say this was a “wake-up call” from my wife, but it only started a long habit of keeping my mentor on a pedestal to worship him.  He became an “idol” of sorts.  This set a series of lessons from God to cure me of this nasty sin. 

From my earliest years as an indwelt believer, I began to live off of the names and reputations of others, obviously since I didn’t have one of my own.  Long story short – I became a “name dropper.”  A sin I have been confronted about more times than I want to admit.  But why did I do this?  When others would confront me about it - inwardly, I could not deny it.  But why?  I knew the psychology of the matter, which was my flesh trying to find significance in others due to my own inferiority.  But I didn’t get freed from this until I accepted that it was nothing short of idolatry. 

I discovered a “downside” to my proper training: putting other people first, honoring all guests, and faking proper conversations with those who filled our home. I grew up in a home where dignitaries, celebrities, and military officers socialized. All six children were lined up, like in the movie The Sound of Music, to greet all guests arriving at our home. However, I was the stupid child. Due to this, I learned to entertain our guests with my humor. I danced on tables, told stories that fascinated guests, and charmed the ladies with my adorable antics. In the end, it turned me into the worst kind of people-pleaser. While I have fond memories of this fake lifestyle, behind the velvet persona, I was overwhelmed with feelings of isolation, stupidity, and thinking I would never amount to anything.      

The facts are, the type of rejection I experienced growing up at home and in school was your dumb, stupid, never going to amount to anything, your retarded, and a host of other labels that formed in me an attitude of self-depreciation. 

Since my self-worth was in a state of wanting, I placed my significance in the lives of others - who had a reputation, minimally presenting an image that they were somebody. This became a perfect setup for the idolatry of “name-dropping.”  Since I found no significance in my own name, I learned quickly that if I rubbed shoulders with those who did, I could live off their fame and reputations—hoping that some of their significance would rub off on me.  The only thing that resulted from this nasty sin was I know many famous people who couldn’t fill one ounce of my need to be loved, accepted, and forgiven.   As it turns out, many of these famous people come to me for help and guidance in their struggle to find their way off the pedestal that people like me put them on.  Oh – the webs that we weave. 

External living is a trap. I discovered the higher people go on the social latter, the more isolation and loneliness they experience.

Needless to say, I set off to be the most “famous” person I could be. As you might guess, I accomplished this by living off the fame of those who had already obtained it. That is until I was forced to assist an actor I admired on the big screen throughout my childhood.

I began by counseling his wife. When dealing with her husband, my bubble of illusion quickly “popped.” He wasn’t the cute little actor boy I had grown accustomed to admiring. His life was a “train wreck.” He was proud, arrogant, and cruel. Now, I was faced with a crisis. While I intellectually knew that fame is elusive, deep down inside, the Lord was calling me to address a lifetime obsession - living off the fame of others.

My wife said something life-changing to me years back. She said the very people who put you on a pedestal are the first to pull you off the pedestal. She was spot on. After all those years of gaining a certain amount of fame, I now deal with rejection from those who had the same nasty habit I had. As odd as it sounds, this revelation changed my view of those who host fame.

Today, I’m just me. I have enjoyed working with common folk, like me, and those who carry the status of celebrities. It makes no difference to me. Every life needs the reputation and fame of Jesus. I work relentlessly with all who come for help without favoritism - to show them the ultimate principle/truth of “Not I, but Christ.”

Even though many years later, after learning that external living is a trap, God uses all relationships, celebrity or otherwise, to advance His message of “Not I, but Christ.” What was once a nasty habit of sin, is now a venue to reach the most isolated and lonely souls of humanity. Recently, one of my “famous” friends said, maybe you had to go through this idolatry stuff so that you can reach those of us who are treated as idols. To that, I said, without question.

NEXT: Not Stephen, but Christ.