MY LIFE: #52 Am I Your Judge?

Dr. Stephen Phinney: Unforgiveness results in a person living in a prison of their own making. The bars of the prison are the offended person’s anger, resentment, etc.

JUDGING THE LIVES & ACTIONS OF OTHERS

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”

(Luke 6:37-38)

Forgiveness is not “acting” as if it does not bother you anymore.  It is not disregarding, tolerating, excusing, overlooking, or closing your eyes to the wrong another person has done against you.  It is not “letting time pass” after the offense has been committed.  It is not “forgetting” that the offense happened – or “pretending” that it did not happen.  It is not “resigning” yourself to the other person’s actions by saying, “Oh well, that’s just the way they are.”

Like most people, I quickly forgive others unless they repeat the same thing repeatedly. Then, it starts to grate on me.

I grew up in a home where forgiveness was never talked about. First, it was a sign of weakness to admit wrongdoing. Secondly, offenses in my home were meant to be kept secret. Thus, our family mastered the ideology of “family secrets.” Most of what I learned about our family’s sins was after I became an adult. Ironically, even though I observed horrific abuse from my father’s PTSD, I remained in the dark as to the sins that came with his demise.

Needless to say, until I discovered the power of forgiveness in Christ as an adult, I developed the unfortunate habit of ignoring the sins of others and forgiving them for their harmful deeds. It became a shameful habit of ignorance.

This diagram helps us see how an offended person acts like a judge.  James 4:12 says there is only one judge - God the Father - not us.  The fact is He is sinless, which gives Him the prerogative and ability to judge righteously.  We must be in agreement that God is the Judge.  Those who try to act as a judge demonstrate the act of playing God.  A common judgmental statement might be: “I deserve better than this” or “after all I’ve done for them, this is what I get in return.”

Even though in my mind I believed I had a good reason to avoid such toxic relationships, God would not allow me to get away with such an excuse.  My reactions formed a jail of sorts for myself by my own unforgiveness.   

All of us who decide to judge another end up in this jail – that is, “emotion jail.”  When we think, react, or treat someone as “guilty,” we need a judge to put that person in jail.  The truth is that the one who acts as the judge is the one who ends up in jail.  Even though the offended person judged the offender as “guilty” because of a lack of forgiveness, the offended person is the one who continues to live in turmoil. 

Unforgiveness results in a person living in a prison of their own making.  The bars of the prison are the offended person’s anger, resentment, etc.  The offended person uses anger, bitterness, and spite for protection – even though he knows it doesn’t work.  But the bars actually become the offended person’s own ongoing turmoil.  This essay will offer the steps of forgiveness, by revealing that the keys to freedom are actually in the hands of the indwelt believer. 

It you’re like me, during times like these, you are begging for a “get out of jail free card.”  The model below will offer specific steps (keys) to freedom gained only through forgiveness.  For many people, forgiveness has not been clearly understood and, therefore, ineffectively applied.  The goal of this process is to fully consider all the aspects of extending forgiveness.  To prepare to extend forgiveness, one should make four lists. 

1. First, list the offenses (what the person did or didn’t do). 

2. Second, list the feelings you had/have as a result of being hurt. 

3. Third, list the ramifications of the offense.

4. Fourth, list your own sinful reactions to this person (even though you may have been wronged, your sinful reactions are not justified).  See the sample chart below.

This is the true effect of forgiveness - through Christ doing the forgiving, through the believer.  Conflicts diminish in size and frequency when both parties give and receive forgiveness.  Forgiveness removes hidden anger and facilitates harmony.  God commands that all wrath, anger, etc., “be put away from you” (Eph. 4:31). According to Matt. 18:21-22, we are to forgive as often as it takes.  Forgiveness is a lifestyle that Jesus is ready and willing to offer through the believer.  When a person stops playing God by setting standards, the individual is not offended as often – it’s miraculous! 

Offering forgiveness to those who have hurt you, in and through Christ, is one of the most freeing actions you can demonstrate here on earth. I encourage you to list the act, your hurt, the ramifications, and your sinful reactions to how the offender hurt you. Then, confess these before the living God. Accept His existing forgiveness for the wrongs of your reactions. Once you have done this, you will need to depend upon the eternal forgiver who lives and indwells you – Christ. If you are not a Christian (never have asked Christ into your life), these actions will be temporary and not eternal.

In the Gospel of John, there’s a powerful story that illustrates the dangers of judgment. It’s the account of a woman caught in adultery, brought before Jesus by the religious leaders. They wanted to trap Him by asking whether she should be stoned according to the law of Moses.

Jesus responded with profound wisdom. He said, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 8:7) His words remind us of several essential truths:

1. We All Can Choose to Sin: None of us is exempt from sin. Romans 3:23 states, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” When we judge others, we forget our own imperfections.

2. The Weight of Judgment: Jesus’ challenge to the accusers highlights the weight of judgment. To cast a stone at someone else requires us to be sinless, which is impossible. When we judge, we take on a responsibility we cannot bear.

3. Mercy Triumphs Over Judgment: James 2:13 says, “Mercy triumphs over judgment.” As indwelt believers in Christ, we are called to extend grace and forgiveness. When we judge harshly, we undermine the very mercy we’ve received.

4. The Danger of Hypocrisy: Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for their hypocrisy. They were quick to condemn others while ignoring their own sins. Hypocrisy damages our witness and hinders the Gospel message. Plus, it blocks the forgiveness process for the offender.

5. Restoring, Not Condemning: Jesus didn’t condemn the woman caught in adultery. Instead, He offered her forgiveness and a chance to start anew. As indwelt Christians, our role is to restore, not condemn—to point people to Christ’s redeeming love.

---

In summary, let us remember Jesus’ words: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Matthew 7:1-2) May we approach others with humility, compassion, and a heart that seeks restoration rather than condemnation.

Coming up next is #53, “Seeking Forgiveness.”

Review the full library of “My Life Series” HERE.