MY LIFE: #42 Taking Up My Cross

Throughout my early Christian years, my fears often stood as a towering wall between me and the life of an indwelt Christian. The fear of judgment, the fear of not being good enough, the fear of...

TAKING UP THE CROSS OF CHRIST

Jesus spoke of "taking up," "bearing," or "carrying" a cross. We have noted that the first-century Jews of Palestine were well acquainted with death by crucifixion on crosses. There is no doubt that the death of Jesus Christ on a cross was "foreknown before the foundation of the world" (1 Peter 1:20; Rev. 13:8). But what did it mean when He said, “Take up his cross and follow Me?”

Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. (Matthew 16:24)

FEAR OF SUFFERING FOR CHRIST

Embracing the call to pick up my cross and follow Jesus fills me with a sense of trepidation - it always has. The weight of the cross, the symbol of sacrifice and surrender, is daunting, to say the least. The path that Jesus walked was not easy; it was one of selflessness, persecution, and suffering. The fear of the unknown, the fear of judgment, persecution, and the fear of not being able to live up to His example all make me hesitate and at times, tremble in fear. Yet, I know that in this fear lies the first step of my journey towards faith, towards a life that is not my own, but His. This is my confession, my fear, and my hope battle for the task of picking up my Cross.

For many years, the thought of suffering for the sake of Jesus filled me with fear. The uncertainty of what that suffering might entail, the potential for pain, and the sacrifices required me to embrace a storm of apprehension within me. Yet, I understand that this fear is a part of my journey of sharing in the sufferings of Christ for an intimate relationship with Him. It is a testament to the gravity of my daily commitment to Jesus I contemplate - a commitment to follow in the footsteps of Jesus, no matter where they may lead. However, that is easier said than done.

Throughout my early Christian years, my fears often stood as a towering wall between me and the life of an indwelt Christian. The fear of judgment, the fear of not being good enough, the fear of the unknown - they all conspired to keep me from fully surrendering myself to Christ. These fears, while real and powerful, are also the chains that kept me from experiencing the freedom and peace that come with being indwelt by the Spirit of God. This has been my struggle from day one, my challenge that calls to mind my childhood fears.

As a child, my fears became so paralyzing that by the time I reached young adulthood, I couldn’t do simple tasks like going into a store to purchase a pack of gum. I certainly couldn’t talk to people without stuttering and cowering. On many occasions, while being in a group gathering, I would have to retreat to a different room to gain composure. It was so tragically obvious to others that I would be asked frequently if I was “OK” due to turning pale white.

My panic attacks often felt like an insurmountable barrier to normal interactions. The unpredictability of their onset, the overwhelming fear, and the physical symptoms that accompany them, all serve to isolate me from others. These episodes not only disrupted my daily life but also instilled a fear of social situations, further hindering my ability to engage in normal interactions. This was my struggle, a constant battle against my own mind.

So… after becoming an indwelt Christian at 16 years of age, when discovering that Christ wanted me to share in His sufferings, well, I have no words to describe my paralysis at that time! I was faced with my own mental crucifixion.

Being set free to share in Christ’s sufferings became my most profound and transformative experience. I cherish the day I was set free from this horrid infraction. It happened when my mentor laid hands on me, asking the Lord to fill my soul with fearlessness. Without any effort or actions on my part, I was set free. From that day forward, I became known as a fearless prophet.

This event was a part of my journey that transcended the physical realm, and mental fragilities of my mind, touching the very core of my spiritual being. While the thought of suffering can be daunting, I now understand that it is through these trials that I am drawn closer to Christ. It is in these moments of shared suffering that I truly comprehend the depth of His sacrifice and the magnitude of His love. The freedom to partake in His sufferings is not a burden but a gift, a testament to the strength of my faith and the depth of my commitment to follow in His footsteps. Today, it is my highest honor to take up my cross of suffering for the sake of my Savior, King, and Husband.

THE EFFECTS OF PICKING UP MY CROSS

My first challenge was accepting the death of who I was. This became such an impossible task that Jesus decided to take it upon Himself.

The effects of the crucifixion of Jesus were a completed God-sized reality at the time of Jesus' death, burial, resurrection, ascension, and outpouring of the Holy Spirit into the believers at Pentecost, which should be personally realized individually at the indwelt Christian's conversion. "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature, the old things passed away; behold, new things have come" (2 Cor. 5:17). Every indwelt Christian is called to accept the spiritual harmony with all that Christ has done, and spiritual identification with the death and life of Christ.

The following are Paul’s references to our death with Christ, which connect our personal identification with Christ's objective death by crucifixion, all implying definite completed actions.

For example:

†       Rom. 6:6 - "our old man was crucified with Him (Christ)"

†       Rom. 6:7 - "he who has died has been freed from sin"

†       Rom. 7:4 - "you were made to die to the Law"

†       Rom. 7:6 - "having died to that by which we were bound"

†       Gal. 2:19 - "I died to the Law, so that I might live to God"

†       Gal. 2:20 - "I have been crucified with Christ"

†       Gal. 5:24 - "those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh"

†       Gal. 6:14 - "the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world"

†       Col. 3:3 - "you have died and your life is hidden with Christ"

Our spiritual identification with the crucifixion of Jesus does not have behavioral implications unless there is a release of the Spirit. Not in a continuing application of Christ's dying, as is found in Catholicism; rather, only as a consequence of the spiritual identification and participation in the "finished work" of Christ. There will not be behavioral implications until the life of Jesus Christ is lived out in and through the believer.

Having been crucified with Christ, we should "no longer be slaves to sin" (Rom. 6:6), but "live with Him (Christ)" (Rom. 6:8), "bear fruit for God" (Rom. 7:4), "serve in newness of the Spirit" (Rom. 7:6), be "led by the Spirit" (Rom. 8:14), "live by faith in the Son of God" (Gal. 2:20), and "walk by the Spirit" (Gal. 5:25) in the "fruit of the Spirit" (Gal. 5:22-23). On the basis of having exchanged our "old man" identification for a "new man" identification, there will be behavioral implications of "righteousness and holiness" (Eph. 4:24) with numerous practical expressions (Eph. 4:25-5:21; Col. 3:12-17). 

On three different occasions, Jesus made comments about the familiar action of bearing a cross unto crucifixion. The object of a cross, to which He refers, does not have any reference to the particular cross that stood on Golgotha, nor to the historical event of Christ's crucifixion. Jesus makes a generic and figurative reference to "a cross," to the action of cross-bearing – bearing your daily burdens that come with the indwelt Christian walk.  This is not to be mixed with “being crucified with Christ.”

When Jesus said, "If any man will to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me" (Luke 9:23, KJV), He was referring to a cross as a well-known instrument of death, an execution device that will objectively kill off the “self-life” of the believer. Jesus demands that those who follow Him voluntarily allow a death instrument (life’s circumstances) to be applied to their selfish tendencies, in order to: execute, terminate, bring to an end, and allow for the absence of selfish behavior. This must be done continuously, "daily," in the midst of every situation we confront.

The next question we must ask is whether this commanded action constitutes a call for the indwelt Christian to "die to self." "Dying to self," "crucifying self," "putting self to death," etc. are all Biblical phrases that are commonly used in the terminology of many exchanged life teachers and writers. If, by the phrase "dying to self," they simply meant a choice synonymous with "denying oneself," then the wordage might have appropriate usage.

Here is the key: the phrase “dying to self” is often loaded down with other meanings and pressure to add additional actions to the “finished work” of Christ. Those who use this phrase are often unclear as to what "self" they are encouraging others to "die to." Is it the "self" of personal spiritual identity? Such an action would be apostasy. Is it the "self" of personal individuality? Such an action would deny the creation of God AS individuals. Is it the "self" of personal existence? Such an action would be suicide. Is it the "self" of personal resources? Such is to suggest the mistaken identity of spiritual gifts. Is it the "self" of personal interest and selfishness? The latter can be the only spiritual, logical usage, making the phrase equivalent to "denying oneself."

Becoming a new man in Christ has been a transformative journey. It’s not just about leaving behind old habits, fears, and behaviors, but about embracing a new identity rooted in Christ’s LIFE in Grace. My journey has been filled with challenges and growth, but the end result is a life that reflects the teachings of Christ, being willing to share IN His sufferings, and walking in willingness to be persecuted because of His life. As I walk this path, I am not just changing, my rebirth is being refined daily. I am not just improving; I am being made new. This is the power of Christ’s love, the promise of His grace, and the hope of every believer.

Coming up next is #43, “The Authentic Cross.”