#17 My Heart Undressed | Back When

JANE PHINNEY: I fear for the future generations as I observe them slowly fading into an emotional numbness

WHEN I WAS A CHILD

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When I was a child, I loved hearing stories from the past. I would ask for repeats of these tales, despite knowing most of them by heart. I always anticipated the telling. And my parents were pretty good at repeating the details verbatim. Our 3 daughters were of the same mindset, enjoying stories from the days of our youth. So, when our “grands” started saying, “Oma, tell us a story back when you were young,” it brought a smile to my face. They would ask for repeats too😊. A good portion of family history, faith, & life lessons can be passed down through story telling. Portions of Psalm 78 say it best:

“I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings of old, which we have heard & known, and our fathers have told us. We will not conceal them from their children, but tell to the generations to come the praises of the Lord, & His strength and His wonderous works that He has done…That the generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born, that they might arise & tell them to their children, that they should put their confidence in God, & not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments…” (verses 2-4;6 and 7)

A few years ago, my oldest grandson, Zion asked me some point-blank questions about how things were, “back when” I was young. I told him about the significant memories that impacted my life. I shared how his great-grandparents married at 29 & 32, after a 4-year engagement, because my dad served in WWII & didn’t want to risk leaving a widow. I told him about their first, & only, home that initially didn’t have hot running water & was heated by two oil burning stoves. During snowy Iowa winters, our curtains were often iced to our upstairs bedroom windows. He was surprised to learn that I was 11 before we had our first TV, a gift from my uncle, and that I was 14 before we had hot water & a furnace. He listened intently as I shared that we read over a dozen library books a week, played family games regularly, & visited grandparents weekly for Sunday dinner. Life revolved around family & church. Once a week, my mom rotated having a different neighbor lady over for morning coffee. During the summer months, the neighborhood kids seemed to congregate at our house for softball games, shooting hoops, riding our handmade go-cart, or testing out the high jump pit. In the evening it was 7-steps-around-the-house, Wolf, Simon Says, or Kick the Can. I had one second-hand bike, one doll, & one pair of roller skates—which my dad later recycled into the fastest skateboard ever! My grandson’s eyes continued to widen as I reminded him that there was no such thing as a CD, VHS, or DVD player. Or video games. I’ll never forget his response. “Wow, Oma! It really was better then, wasn’t it?” He was quick to recognize the discrepancies in life as he knew it.

Later, in late Summer, Zion treated me to breakfast at Village Inn before the school year started. After eating, we visited a great used bookstore, the farmer’s market, & ended up at a cozy coffee shop where we played Kings-in-the-Corner. When it was time to leave, I asked him what his favorite part of the day was. He quickly replied, “This, talking to you.” I was deeply touched & wanted to cry. (But I didn’t.) I’ve had an ongoing joke with Zi. I tell him he is welcome to sit on my lap, even when I’m 80. Although I doubt that will even be possible, I’m very thankful he’s the kind of young man who isn’t ashamed to receive a hug & kiss, on the cheek, from a growing-older-Oma.

Times have changed tremendously since “back when.” We are a driven, technology-dependent culture that overall, has forgotten the benefits of simple observances in life. People are busy. Families are stressed. There is an over-commitment to activities outside of the home. The family table is almost a thing of the past. For a lot of folks, kindle has replaced the smell & feel of a good book…even the Bible. Don’t get me wrong. I can fully appreciate the accessibility & ease with which I can connect with folks far away. I like not having to pick up the phone, to find out every detail. I can appreciate saving time & money with access to online shopping. And I certainly am thankful for present access to other countries in need of the Gospel & resources to encourage their faith, as well as meeting needs in crisis situations. But overall, we all battle to find balance as technological advances keep compounding. Most sobering to me is observing what the electronic craze has done to personal relationships & the ability to communicate face to face. If it keeps us from relating to people we can see, it most assuredly is a deterrent from “being still” & knowing in the intimacy of your heart, that HE IS GOD. (Psalm 40)

Let’s take a personal inventory. When was the last time you sent a card instead of a text? When was the last time you called someone, to catch up? Better yet, how long has it been since you talked face-to-face? Are you able to get through a meal without checking your phone? Can you relax while riding in a vehicle, & enjoy the company you’re with? Do your kids wait for an answer while your head is lost in technology? Are you able to enjoy porch time, a walk in the park, reading to your child/grandchild, or watching the sunset? Do you feel driven? Are you a good listener or are you distracted & antsy? When your eyes pop open in the morning, do you feel panic as you think about what’s ahead of you? Or is your mind quiet before the Lord?

Back when was a long time ago! And since those outings with my grandson, it feels yet again like another world. You see, he’s 21 now. There are consequences to any good thing taken out of bounds. And those consequences are mounting & families are disintegrating.

I fear for the future generations as I observe them slowly fading into an emotional numbness, maybe even a dissatisfaction, with what used to be a healthy norm. Our daily choices affect our homes & families…and beyond. A sobering reminder is penned in Psalm 101, verses 2 & 3. “I will walk within my house in the integrity of my heart. I will set no worthless thing before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not fasten its grip on me. Every choice you make influences another life.

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